Sick Cycle Carousel
by Star C. Waters
Summary: A One Shot Song Fanfiction, On Life House's Sick Cycle Carousel. WARNING, Malemale paring, rape, and some language. OliverPercy R?R!


**Sick Cycle Carousel**

Song by LifeHouse

It's not rape.

I let him do it, I don't make a noise, I let him.

I kiss him back now and then, just to stop myself from crying,

but it's not rape.'

It started even before 5th year, I had started to fall in love with him. I didn't think it would happen, but it did.

I don't know if it was because we were always together being the only Gryffindors in our year, but we became really good friends. I didn't want to chance it, I didn't know what to do, so I pulled away thinking it wasn't real, it would fade. I even started to date Penelope, I just . . .

I wouldn't accept it, but I couldn't completely pull away, and that made everything so messy.

_**If shame had a face, I think it would kind of look like me. **_

_**If it had a home, would it be in my eyes? **_

_**Would you believe me if I said I am tired of this **_

_**Well here we go, now one more time, **_

After he lost the Quidditch game because Harry had not been there, I tried my best to cheer him up. I didn't expect it to have turned out like that . . . or that it would continue.

He wouldn't look at me after, he wouldn't speak about it. Only at night did he look at me but he wouldn't speak.

I hurt so much. I didn't want it to continue, but I didn't stop him.

I didn't stop him when he made his away into my bed at night. Or when he would drag me into an empty classroom. I tried to stop him from leaving any marks once but when he noticed this he held me down and left even more, from then on he left marks on me every time, but I didn't try again. I didn't care, that I was a Prefect, that I had a girlfriend. Didn't care that I was going to be late for class, or that Penny was waiting for me or that she would see. That she knew.

On the last day I would spend at Hogwarts I was so messed up, I hadn't slept. I . . .

My mind wouldn't stop spinning because it would end.

I wouldn't have to worry about it any more. I would never see Oliver and that night would be that last. I had cried after, some thing I had not done since the first time he had . . .

_**Cause I tried to climb your steps, **_

_**I tried to chase you down, **_

_**I tried to see how low I could get to down to the ground, **_

_**Well I tried to earn my way, **_

I never thought it would happen again, but right now Oliver is pining me against the wall in a ministry broom closet of all places, I can almost laugh. I thought never again, but he's unbuttoning my shirt and I feel like I don't care if I'll lose my job if someone found us. I know I must be sick, I've missed him.

He roughly pulls my head back and begins to suck and nip at my neck leaving marks on my skin like he did when I was seeing Penny making sure that she knew I was being unfaithful.

He makes his way to my ear and whispers in a harsh husky voice "So it's Weatherby now?"

_**Well I tried to change this mind, **_

_**You better believe that I tried to beat this. **_

_**When will this end, it goes on and on **_

_**Over, and over, and over again. **_

Percy was already so perfect even if he didn't know it. I had wanted so badly to pass my hand through his hair, feel his skin, taste his lips. He was all I could think of the summer before 5th year but the closer I got to him the more I noticed I would never be good enough. He pulled away, started to date that bitch Penelope Clearwater, ignoring me, avoiding me.

I couldn't stand it, it ate away at me so I couldn't stop myself when he spoke to me again for the first time in a long time after the failed Quidditch game, I . . . didn't mean, I just,

I raped him.

It couldn't be called anything else, he had looked so lost, scared. I heard him cry that night. I wanted things to go back to normal, pretend it never happened but I could not forget Percy's soft skin, the taste of his lips and it burned to see him with her, and to think that she could have him and not me. And so I keep on, leaving my marks on him thought I knew he didn't want me to, I needed to let her know he was mine. But I still couldn't understand why? Why would he let me do this . . . he had stopped struggling, but he drifted farther away. I just couldn't understand why he would let me. Untill now.

_**Keep spinning around I know it won't stop, **_

_**Till I step down from this for good **_

Something inside me snaps and I push him away, he stumbles. He wasn't expecting this,. I really never fought back. It had been too easy. So why did he have to say that? Everything is just too real now, I can't let this go on. I start to button up my now crumpled shirt but my hands are shaking violently. "You bastard" I'm breathing heavily and the wall's the only thing keeping me standing.

Oliver has gotten himself up again, He looks angry and hurt and he shoots back so violently I feel I might break. "You dirty whore"

I can feel my whole body fill up with anger, regret, and my eyes sting as they fill up with tears, blurring my vision. "Whore? No, just fucking stupid for ever letting myself love such a sadistic fucktrad like you!"

And I run.

_**I never thought I'd end up here **_

_**I never thought I'd be standing where I am **_

_**I guess I kind of thought it would be easier than this, **_

_**I guess I was wrong, Now one more time **_

Can he forgive me. . . ?

I chase after him, not thinking just knowing I need to find him. I don't really need to look I find him on the floor, he had bumped into his boss of all people and had fallen on the floor. He looks so lost and scared, but this time I wouldn't let things get out of hand. I grab Percy of the floor and carry him away from his boss and everything that had become normal to him, he struggles a little but gives in only after a small amount of time.

I can't stop my crying because he has stopped fighting me again.

_**This is a sick cycle carousel **_

_**This is a sick cycle carousel, yeah **_

He kisses me softly and apologizes, he can't stop crying. He holds me tightly as his sobs shack his body I can't believe it. I curl my thin arms around his broad shoulders.

" . . . I love you"

I love him too, I give in, I cry.


End file.
